I’ll never forget the day I found out I was pregnant. It was earth shattering, to say the least. I had a lot going on at the time. I was going through a divorce and had two other children. I felt so hopeless and scared. This was the first time I had considered any option other than parenting. How could I possibly bring my baby into an already broken home? How was this fair to the two children I already had? I already had a special needs child who suffers and fights for his life, so how am I possibly going to do all of this on my own?? The answer was clear, I wasn’t!
After a lot of tears and weighing my options, I decided to place my baby for adoption. The moment I got real with myself and admitted he deserved so much more than what I had to offer was one of the most humbling moments of my life. It’s not easy to face everyone around you and admit your faults. It’s not easy to face people you’ve never met and admit that they are more fit to raise your own baby.
After I got the process started and sought out an adoption agency that fit my specific wants and needs, everything seemed to move really fast. I was very clear on the things that I wanted and the things I didn’t want. For example, I never wanted to pass by a child and wonder if that was him, so I requested that he be placed out of state. I never wanted to question if he was happy or if he had a better life than what I could offer, so I requested a semi-open adoption. I wanted to KNOW he was happy, so I insisted on getting pictures through the years. I wanted him to have everything he deserved and ever wanted, so I requested he was an only child. It didn’t matter to me if they had more later, I just wanted to know that he was getting all their love from the start. I wanted him to have a belief in God. I wanted a mom and dad with stability. I didn’t care about the size of their home, what car they drove, or how much money they had. I cared about how much love he would be given through his life.
Clearly, I had a pretty good idea of what I was looking for in his mom and dad and I was eager to start looking for a family. To start, I was given three profiles to look at. I remember taking the one off the top and going to sit on the patio. I opened it and read through it at least three times. This was it. They were the ones. This was his mom and dad! I knew and I didn’t even look at another family.
They had everything I was looking for! They didn’t have any other children. They lived 2,000 miles away. (Far enough that I couldn’t be a stalker birth mom. Ha Ha!) They had a dog! They had a religious background. They were stable and had been together for a long time and I loved that! They were open to a semi-open adoption. They seemed perfect. But before I could go any further with this potential family, I had one major question. Because I already had a child with special needs, the risk of me having another was even higher. I needed to know that they would love him regardless.
I’ll never forget the day I asked them. We were on speaker phone and my case worker was by my side. I said, “If he is born with any health problems, how would you handle that?” Without missing a beat, they said, “We would do everything we could to make sure he has the medical attention he needs.” It was the best answer I could have been given and I knew these were his parents.
I was so excited to meet them. It was hard to get to know them the way I would have liked because they were so far away, but we stayed in touch almost daily. They had flown out for an ultrasound and to meet for the first time. I was so nervous to meet the people who could do for my baby what I couldn’t. That’s intimidating and so very hard. Fortunately for me, they were the most loving and understanding people I’ve ever met.
It’s been 13 years and not a day has passed that I wish I would have made the choice to parent. If I had to do it over again, I wouldn’t change a thing. There are times I still get emotional and cry but I’ve never regretted my decision.
They thank me all the time for the gift of a child and I thank them all the time for the gifts they’ve given my child. I am forever grateful to them!